Thankful...

I have failed at blogging lately. Mostly because I am deliriously happy and have been busy eating, instead. I kid, sort of.  Okay, not really at all.  Besides being completely ridiculously in love with a man who is just the perfect puzzle piece for me and my life, the kids, the parentals, the friends, the family, life is good. Things are happening, but it's all good. I got to see a way overdue engagement come to fruition for my buffalo and her missing puzzle piece, got to marry (literally - I MARRIED them!) my cousin to her missing puzzle piece, I spent a week with my puzzle piece, relaxing and enjoying each other's company, seeing lots of Texas as we thrifted our way through it, watch as mom is trying out new things and making new energy for herself, watch as my children become two grown ups, watching as my puzzle piece steps out of the comfort zone and does what he loves and watching and getting to help along the way, and all the many many firsts that have been celebrated and will be celebrated, that will be the first of many more.

I love to be reminded of all the things in the world for which I should, no MUST be thankful for, but I wanted to take a second and share. 

I am thankful for:

• my family. All of them, the ones I see, the ones I don't, the ones that are with us, the ones that were taken too soon, the ones I am close to and the ones that I simply share dna, the ones I chose for myself, the ones that I was given by chance, the ones that have always been family and the ones that only recently have become that way. I am proud to say I have a huge family and they are individually loud and wonderful,  and when any group of them get together, the chaos and roar and laughter and FUN that happens naturally is something I could never live without and never take for granted.
• a job that lights me up and turns me on and makes me proud to get up in the morning and go
• coworkers, volunteers and partners in that work that make every day a pleasure and an empowering place to be and the women and families whose lives are changing that I have the opportunity to meet who make it all worthwhile.
• the people that will not share the holidays with their families this year because they are either deployed, will be at work, protecting, or helping us all in some other way on holiday.
• the not so great things that happen when they have, because for them, I have the perspective that things are good now. Really good. I wouldn't change anything at all even if I could.
• Thankful for those friends that I have that no matter how long we are out of touch, we can pick right up where we left off, catch each other up on the days, weeks, months or even years that we've missed and carry on easily.
• Game nights (ahem!). Coming soon to a house near you.
• Health--mine, yours, mental, physical, abnormal, it's all good. Exactly the way it is.
• For relationships that are blooming, families being blended, beginnings that are happening, and lives that are being lived.

Thanks for being along for the ride. I am grateful this Thanksgiving. Love abounds. Thank you for your's.

Peace, love and happily ever after.

lots of good things happenin'

Ok, for all my massive amounts of stalkers and fans (both of you, Mom and Ivey), here's a little update.

Hunter is kicking butt in college. He's been gone two weeks but has totally grabbed UNT by the horns (little mascot humor for those of you who are paying attention), and is digging in and really "doing" college. As he promised way back about four years ago, he has given me his Sunday mornings for breakfasts. We went to the Old West Cafe last weekend, and this weekend he came home (Gasp! I hope you can see the perma-momma-smile from here). The first night after we left him in the dorm, he went downstairs and met up with a whole group of people from reddit who were all meeting each other for the first time. As a result, he has a great group of about 20-25 friends that he hangs with often. It's a beautiful thing to watch their wings spread. We went to the Loophole on the Denton square today for lunch and it wasn't too bad. We've also eaten at the Pita Pit, which I kinda loved as a very obvious (better than) Subway knock-off.  In other news, though, he still is waiting for me to come clean his room. I know he can do it, and it if it takes him four years of college (and/or getting kicked out of the his uber-neat and organized roommate's room) to learn it, I have faith he will. Any Mean Green-ers out there, suggestions on yummy breakfast places would be most appreciated.

Ivey is working at Joe's on Hwy 26. Go see her and tip her well. Their food is fab, their waitresses cute, sweet and sassy and the owners are great people. She got to spend a little time with her big brother this weekend and has a little pizazz back because of it. She has missed her big brother a lot during the past two weeks.

I am ridiculously happy and for those of you who don't know, have a facebook-status-change-worthy dude in my life. Mitch is his name, and he makes me smile. He makes me laugh and he's just as nerdy as me, maybe even more. He's cute. He gets me. He likes to garage sale. He's fun. He's cute. He has two spectacular daughters, Sam and Kim, who are 12 and 16.  If you haven't had the pleasure of meeting him, I'd be willing to make a bet that you will easily fall for him too.

I am looking forward to lots of events this week - volunteering on Tuesday night, Women Who Care, Share table host party on Thursday, a wedding and volunteer appreciation gig for the Y-dub this weekend. Busy week with lots of good things happening.

Sam Haddock, I am giddy with excitement for you but am not going to mention it yet because that would be too presumptuous of me. Oh, wait, oopsy.  Carrie Ebbesen - I hope you and your Ez have a GREAT time in the Phish-world. I am thinking of you and your dad lots and sending lots of love to you all.  Heather  - I know you are always in Feesh-world and I love you (and him for you) more every single time I am with yall. Jaime Leigh, I know things are in full-swing and I am super happy for your big day and can't wait to be a part of it.

As always, I appreciate you all and am thankful for the part we both play in each other's lives, no matter how big or small a part that is.

My son, the grownup

Alright, so it's time. Hunt's actually leaving today for college. I have a feeling things will never be the same. Not that that's bad, but Denton will change him somehow, and obviously thats s what's supposed to happen. It's progress. It's growth, it's wing-spreading and self-awareness and reality checks (on our part, as well as his), and fun, and umbilical cord cutting and exciting and beautiful and just right, not fun, but right still.

Hunt, you are leaving and taking a big part of me with you. I have watched you sleep many, many nights in the past 18 1/2 years and I will no longer have that opportunity but I am still with you. You are taking with you your grandpa's nightstand that he built with his own two hands, and your Mimi's Beatles quilt she made with her own two hands and your sister's old comforter and her very best friend since birth is going with you, so take good care of him. You are taking your dad's bicycle to move you around campus and a lock to help keep it safe from your Papa and DeeDee, along with lots of cool posters to remind you of home from them too. You're taking a microwave from Mitch and of course you're taking rugs and towels and all the other things you've collected either on your own or with the help of those who love you. You're taking the many many supportive "village members" who've not only watched you turn into the wonderful man you've become, but who've had a hand in it in one way or another. They each one feel personally vested in your future and your well-being and just so you know it - your happiness.  Know that each of those people, our families, our friends, and friends kids, our friends parents, ALL your grandparents, your aunts, your uncles, your nieces, your nephews, people who don't know you but know someone who does--- we're all rooting for you. We're all proud of you, and we all know you can do it. I feel safe in speaking for each and every one of "us" when I say, we are all here when you need anything, to talk, a ride home (from anywhere, anytime), to talk, to be there. We are counting on you to kick butt and take names. So go do your thing little man and I'll see ya next Sunday!

I love you,
Mom

happy's

Last week, I saw a quote - "what if tomorrow you only woke up with the things you were thankful for today?".  Well, folks, I'd hate to be unappreciative, so here goes:

I'm thankful for:

• Hunt's new Macbook (yep, I'm using it)
• Pinterest (the newest version of guilty pleasure!)
• sweet messages from my middle school friend reminding me she loves me
• purple sugar free koolaid
• breakfast with Ivey, Mimi, Sami and Syd-Vicious today!
• breakfast, lunch and dinner with my Fresh, Buffalo, Mimi, Poppy, grandparentals and Carrie (at different times) this week
• getting to share a Ranger game with friends and a few thousand others who seemed to enjoy being there, as well :)
• getting to have a birthday party for some of the little people in my world at our house next weekend and seeing family and friends to celebrate them
• the universe sending me the missing puzzle piece called Mitch. Well worth the wait.
• getting to go to work each day with people I adore and aspire to be more like doing what makes my heart happy - and getting paid to do it
• my big crazy weird family with all their quirkiness and warm fuzzys, too. Oh! Speaking of fuzzies--Fuzzy's Tacos, Yucatan Taco Stand, um, well, Taco places in general.
• for the things that are over, and the things that are yet to be.
• Hunter spreading his wings and taking off (yes, this is a little bit to keep from crying about it). I'm thankful that he's done what he's done, is going where he's going and the opportunity to be a part of it all. Mostly, though, I'm thankful for the next couple of weeks and the fact that he understands that I'm hanging on for dear life.
• First Day of School Breakfast that's coming soon! Even though it'll be different, we're doing it, so let me know if you're coming!
• Food in general
• knowing that I can perform an emergency wedding service in a pinch. 
• Ivey and her intuitiveness and thoughtfulness and just general way of being that makes me proud to know a person like her
• My two new pairs of "sensible shoes" and being complimented on how cute they are
• Getting to plan my cousin's wedding and be a part of their big day that's coming up fast!
• my little, messy, dog-hair rich, happy, fun house, but the thing I love most about my house is the people I share it with (no, I didn't think of that on my own -- PINTEREST!)
• all the many things I will think of throughout today that I forgot to mention here.

In short, I'm grateful for my health, my possessions and having enough of them to share with others, for my friends, for my love, for the things I have, for the things I don't and for exactly the way things are now and exactly the way they'll be tomorrow. Here's to health, love, and well-being for all.

Just checking in.

•Run more I have done a better job, but only running every few weeks is hardly a success. Will do more. Now.
•Attend a few weddings (not the ones I'm working...but specific ones. AHEM!) OK, so one of "these" is scheduled, but one is still not. FEESH!?!?!

•Take dance lessons done

•See more live music. doing good!

•Finish more books. eh, better work on that.

•Do something every day that challenges me. This was stupid anyway. Getting up on time sometimes challenges me. What was I thinking? Yeah, maybe I'm trying to justify a failure here, so what?

•Enjoy the heck out of my limited time with my dude and the girl. Gads. Another month and a half. I'm such a lucky mama.

•Learn to manage my money as wisely as my dude does his. HA!

•Paint more.  Define More. I've painted and am happy with the amounts.

•Potty mouth less. &*@#!

•Become cultured, mature enough to not giggle at accidental references to body parts in inappropriate settings. Learn to not cry when I try to I am trying to control a laugh because really-- I'm an adult, I should have more control over myself?! OOPS. Maybe tomorrow. or maybe next year.

•Take more pictures.

•Finish my bathroom (I am giddy as I write that because it REALLY REALLY is getting close!?!?!) I promise more pictures as more is complete. AND THE PIECE D'resistance! It is DONE! See!?!?!?!

Syd-vicious in the shower

Syd-vicious showing off the tub. Obviously I haven't hung anything on the walls yet.

•Leave divorces, cancer and all the ugly behind and enjoy the heck out of a healthy, happy safe 2011. Done! I so rocked that three month check up. Bring on the next one. :)

Bottom line is - things are going really well. I am happier than I've ever been and enjoying each day as it comes. Hunt is leaving, but totally ready in almost every way (except his job or housing) Be well friends!

I hope you...

I had a wedding tonight and got out way later than expected. When I drove up to the house, Hunter was on the couch watching tv. He went to bed when I got home, as if he had been waiting for me. The realization that in just a few months that won't happen anymore (on a regular basis at least) reminded me of a few things.

Hunter, I hope you:

I hope you

• Find your voice
• Play, Have fun, Laugh, Don’t ever fear crying
• Make mistakes. Big, fat, hairy mistakes that sting. Just so you can get over them and realize sometimes the best things you'll ever do come out of them and that dusting yourself off and moving past them
  is not as hard as you thought. You're stronger than you can even know right now. 
• Realize from the time I knew you existed, you have been loved, adored, cherished and not one thing you could ever do, say or be could ever change or cause even the briefest hiccup or pause in that
• Do what you love
• Know how you should be treated and don’t tolerate anything less
• Think of your childhood and smile
• Know your way back home
• Remember apple pies, pier fishing, dumb and dumber, Saturday mornings getting warm, Ginger, Sunday volleyball games, first day of school breakfasts, family holidays, LoveMouse, Bud, elementary field trips, light sabers, splashing in rain puddles in front of the cows, slip and slides, volunteering, big back yard swings, chili cook-off’s, Dr. Seuss, Buzz Lightyear, Back street Boys, swimming in a barrel, Camp CommUnity, terminal braces, Stinky Beach
• Make time to spend time with your sister. Often.
• Will not hesitate to call if you need money, a ride home from anywhere, to talk, groceries, advice, dinner or a hug.
• Learn more about you.
• Are hurt just enough to know true love and kindness when you see it.
• Will call me.
• Will see a doctor if you don’t feel well.
• Will write, sing, draw, take pictures, paint or talk and let you out.
• Know how awesome kickass you are and that that’s all you’ve ever been.
• Try new things, people, places, stories, music and then come tell me about it.
• Know my door’s always open and you always have a place to come.
• Make you as proud as you make me.
• Kiss, hug, love, dance, laugh and explore without abandon
• Learn to dance, cook and clean well and always write thank you notes
• Cherish your body and every day of your life
• Choose to love you
• Be brave
• Love people and experiences for what they are and for what they aren’t.
• Allow yourself the freedom to be messy
• Smile at strangers
• Make friends with yourself
• Realize that even though nothing was traditional, that was our tradition
• Drive safely
• Stay up too late, and push yourself too hard and know that great things happen out of that.
• Allow yourself to be lazy occasionally too. Without regret

Dude, I love you and am so glad to be your Mom. You rock..

The NEW new normal.

I am not crying out for help or support or anything like that. I promised a few people I would blog about things going through the divorce. I guess if someone stumbles across it when they are in the same place, and it gives them some comfort that someone else has messy days, so be it. So--here's to you. Its been a while because things have been good. But something about three deaths in a couple months and Hunter's upcoming graduation (please don't think I'm dramatic enough to equate the two as the same, but his leaving has been emotional for me, too) and probably some sort of shifting of the universe, I would guess has caused me some steps back. I don't know quite how to express it either. Not like I'm pining for Brumley or my marriage or wishing we were back together or even wishing I was with anyone, (in fact I am actually feeling anti-interested in any type of a relationship right now) but more struggling with my anger at the fact that it wasn't supposed to be like this right now. I'm overwhelmed all of a sudden when for the last year and a half almost its been a challenge but I've been up for it. I feel inadequate at times and pissed off and sorry for myself and for the first time lonely. I have more friends than ever and interested cool guys, but I just can't seem to get out of the mollasses. I'm struggling with resentment that I've made things peachy for others, and I'm not sorry, but now I'm just supposed to be OK when everything's changing. I realize its irrational and stupid and all that and feeling angry now is not reasonable. But I am.

The new normal that we have in our lives has just gotten reasonable and ok, I'll admit it--comfortable and I who have never even once had any angst about or resisted change is feeling anxious and just stressed about it all changing again and creating a NEW new normal. Ivey and I are about to be empty nesters--at least for a little while and then it'll all change again.

I know it will pass. I know it will lead the way to things that are yet to be imagined and things I have yet to even know I'd want. I know things will be great and I know I am fortunate to be where I am. Exactly the way it is and exactly the way it isn't. I have a dear friend who told me the sun will still come up tomorrow and nothing I do or don't do will change that. (thanks, JR!), and another good friend who I know listens to me when I give her "advice" laced loosely in my friendship because she regurgitates it back to me at the most appropriate times. I appreciate it and hate it at the same time because it's so much easier to have compassion for others. Heather, thanks for not-so-gently forcing me to have it for myself when that's what is so needed at the time.