my bucket list

I've had kind of a rough day. Just as I was leaving to get on a plane for Pueblo, Colorado, Ivey called me to say she was sick. I hate leaving her home alone sick, but did it. I am missing my induction as the Kiwanis President for the coming year and I got bad news that a dear dear friend and volunteer of the YWCA, Willa Lister, passed away today. I guess I was feeling sentimental. Here's what a three hour layover in a small airport will do for ya.

1. Build a sandcastle that takes more than one day to build with my grandchildren.
2. Give a complete stranger more than $100 on Christmas Day with a note that they are important and for them to share the love whenever they can in whatever way they can.
3. Celebrate New Year’s Eve in the big apple.
4. Take the Route 66 road trip.
5. To spend a month touring a foreign country with someone I love with no schedules to keep, reservations or agendas.
6. Ride a hot air balloon over the Grand Canyon.
7. Watch the sunrise in as many countries as I can. And photograph them all.
8. Write a children’s book and have my kids and grandchildren, perhaps, illustrate it.
9. Hook and reel in a shark larger than me.
10. Have a dinner party at my house complete with placecards, linens, multiple courses (that may or may not be prepared by me ;)) for enough people (and diversity of guests) to make the conversation interesting but still intimate.
11. Run in the Boston marathon (finishing is a secondary item).
12. Earn a seven figure amount of money so I can have the joy of giving it away.
13. Learn to play the guitar.
14. Play guitar around a campfire under the stars.
15. Snorkel in Australia, Greece, New Zealand.
16. Help a mother deliver a baby.
17. Go to the airport and take the next flight leaving. No matter where it is going. Enjoy a few days and get to know that place intimately.
18. Discover a way to bottle lingering smells for a bad day/moment/week that will stand the test of time. (Think your mother/father/grandmother/childhood home/lover/newborn baby/etc.)
19. Be able to pinpoint the difference I made in anothers’ life.
20. Give my mother and father a gift of appreciation that makes each of them proud of their work and really get who they are in the world.
21. Be positive that every single person in my life knows exactly what they mean to me.
22. Obtain a gift (donation not for me personally) for one million dollars from an individual.
23. Ski a black slope and live to tell about it.
24. Get my CFRE (certified fundraising executive) credential
25. Leave a trail of people in my life who are better off for having known me, if even for a short time, comic relief or feeling better about themselves.
26. Gracefully turn down a job offer and marriage proposal (not combined offers )
27. Finish my psychology degree
28. Learn to speak Spanish
29. For my kids to grow up and know they are loved unconditionally, not just by me, but by many, many people and that they can do or be anything they want and be loved because/for/in spite of it. For them to know they have the responsibility to make the world a better place in every way they can and for them to be proud to do that.
30. Perform in a community theater.
31. Learn to ballroom dance and have a go-to partner with whom to practice often.
32. Play at least a game of softball with my grandmother, father, Hunter and Ivey. A tournament or season would be that much better.
33. Swim with the stingrays and/or sharks.
34. Have artsy nude photos done.
35. Have grandchildren that light up when they see me or hear my name.
36. Make a stained glass window.
37. Sew a piece of clothing and wear it proudly.
38. Celebrate a 20th, 30th or even 50th wedding anniversary.
39. Enjoy a romantic evening under the stars at the Eiffel Tower.
40. Spend a week on a boat with no crew.
41. Experience Mardi Gras from Bourbon Street.
42. Build a piece of furniture with my hands.
43. Experience Olympic games in another country.
44. Spend a week on a beach in another country with 10-20 of my closest, dearest friends (Sam, Carrie--you said you like shout outs --this is yours!), exploring the local pubs, people, and seeing the world together.
45. Attend a world series final.
46. Give my friends and loved-ones enough silly stories to pull from so that when I am gone, they won’t cry at a stuffy funeral, but rather will gather together, tell stories and laugh until they cry and relive the joy we shared together.
47. Have a bubble blowing contest with kids I don’t know.
48. Spend a week with a family in another country who speak a different language.
49. Learn sign language.
50. Live and volunteer in another country for a year.
51. Enjoy holidays and special occasions as the kids grow and are grown with both of their parents (and presumably our new spouses).
52. Welcome home troops at the airport with gifts and let them know they are appreciated.

There are a few boring bucket list items I have left off because they are somewhat generic: I want to go so many places, Fiji, Greece, Italy, Jerusalem, Japan, Australia, the list goes on and on and on. Bungee jumping, sky diving, scuba diving, climb a mountain, leave a $200 tip on a $20 lunch to a pregnant waitress to name a few. If I think of more, I will add to. Please share yours with me!

All the Single Ladies...

Today was the big day I've been waiting for. On one hand it was much more stressful than I imagined, but then again it was without any emotion at all, which was odd.

I couldn't sleep at all last night because I was really anxious. Not about the divorce itself, but the paperwork and whether or not I had filled everything out correctly. I was worried the judge would tell me I had done something wrong or needed additional documents and I would have to come back another day. Our court appt was at 8:00 am, so we had to leave ridiculously early. On the way there I got really nervous, but thankfully H was right before me, so I got to see it all in action. (she did terrific, by the way!) I was super scared about talking to the judge for some stupid reason -- just being in the courtroom was super intimidating. When the judge got to me, I had screwed up something with our paperwork and the bailiff had to bring it back to me (DOH!?!?!). I fixed it, and gave it back to the bailiff, the judge took another case and then got to my paperwork again. He got kinda irritated this time about not filling out my paperwork for me and the bailiff brought them back to me again. Heather helped me fix it again, and finally the bailiff came to me smiling and said I had finally gotten it right and I didn't even have to go talk to the judge at all. (I got to go through the express lane.)Our divorce is now final.

We picked up the police report from last week (she DOES have insurance!!) had some breakfast and margaritas and decompressed. I was able to share the day in every way with my hand-picked bff, and I couldn't ask for more.

We then spent the afternoon with our favorite hairdresser (Mimi, H and I) getting all prettied up. With a few exceptions, I couldn't have asked for a better day. Thank you for your support and love today, believe me, we both felt it. Now, about tomorrow... :)

do it for yourself

There is no simple secret for happiness. It can be attained by many avenues and can be avoided accidentally by just as many.

The true test of happiness is looking in the mirror and liking who you are. Not necessarily loving your nose, or chin, either of them, or even loving those thighs or butt, but loving who you see. Do you do the right thing when no ones looking and when no one will find out? Do you love someone else more than you love yourself? Do you ever, even occasionally, make decisions on others' needs rather than what you might get in return? How much of yourself do you give to the universe?

Love completely. Give yourself fully, without abandon. If you are hurt, it is not your fault nor will it be you who loses. We get what we give in this life. You may not see that today or even tomorrow, but it will come back to you. Always act with compassion, even with someone who doesn't seem to deserve it. Trust me, its there. They do.

This goes the same for yourself. Allow yourself to make mistakes, but learn from them so you can avoid repeating them. Forgive yourself and move on, knowing you aren't your mistakes, but rather are a genuinely gentle, sweet soul who happened to screw up. Not the end of the world. Don't forget that. Take the time to learn the lesson. Note it deeply and note what it caused to others and allow yourself permission to let it go. Take a deep breath and shut your eyes and smile knowing you have this and not for mine or anyone else's benefit, but for your own. Love who you are. Be who you want. Its never too late.