Here's a little story...

If I hear one more person say something along the lines of -- welfare doesn't work, it's causing the downfall of our country-- I think I will scream. It's not that I think the system we currently have is 100% perfect. I'm not stupid. I get the flaws and I can't say what the answer to fixing them is. But there are also lots of positive things about the bum, bum, bum "system". Indulge me. Let me explain...

What you are about to read is not something I'm proud of and please know it is hard for me to share. For the past few weeks, it has been bubbling that I need to. That I have an obligation to the kids who are in the same place as we were to share this with others. Even people I'd rather not have this very personal information, the ammunition to think differently of us, to judge. I got pregnant at the ripe old age of sixteen (yes, one six). My boyfriend and I had been together since we were in middle school and although we had talked about having children (far, far in the future, after high school, after college and after, well, you get the point), we absolutely weren't prepared in any way for what we were about to do. That didn't change the fact that we loved each other, the baby we were about to bring into the world and were committed to giving our everything to.  We were given a place to live by Josh's parents, while mine helped us with a car, and every day things we simply couldn't afford. As part of the teen parenting program at Midlothian High School, we were signed up for WIC, and any other assistance programs we qualified for. I was still on my mother's health insurance so we didn't need assistance with that (at that time). Now, what I will tell you is the face of these two children, the boy, worked at a grocery store and while immature and silly, was brilliant, committed to working hard and providing for his family-and absolutely hated school. She worked at Walmart up until she couldn't stand up anymore for that long at a time (about a week or so before delivery), she got good grades and was stubborn about finishing her education. Both were involved in school activities, athletics, advanced classes, both had lots of friends.

I do have to point out that there was a huge part of this that was positive and was solely because our parents (all of them), some of our teachers, and some other very special people along the way took pity, or saw something that perhaps neither of us did at the time and lent a hand, or two, often times I imagine, without us knowing it. Government grants, assistance and lots of support from those around us were absolutely critical, even as committed and focused on education as I was, for it to have been possible. One small misstep could have changed the course we were on, and should have many, many times. The difference between us and the statistics (lots of other people in the same situation) is that we had a strong strong safety net who didn't allow us to fail.  I think we do deserve some credit for working hard but not nearly as much as the strength of that safety net.  Off and on throughout the next few years (and by few I mean at least 10 or so), we had help from various sources, mostly parents that will never be able to be repaid financially for that support. I believe we four have learned strength and that we must give back, so we take that seriously. Josh and I did get married, had Ivey two and a half years later, at the much-older and wiser ages of 19. We were good parents, had a beautiful family but made lots of mistakes along the way, perhaps more than our fair share because we were so young and ignorant, but somehow these two kids have turned out amazing. Maybe because of the missteps they survived. The old saying "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" -- Hunter and Ivey have earned their STRONG. Even still, I don't think anyone who knows or knew us would look at us, our family, or even the outcome and where we stand today--divorce and all-- and describe us as failures, lazy, a drain on the system, and all the other awful things I hear about "those people".  Throughout our lives, we have at one point been on Medicaid, food stamps, WIC, had housing help, daycare assistance and at other times qualified for those things but for one reason or another (too proud?) didn't accept them.

So-- the next time you think of "those people" who you don't want to pay for, think of someone different. Think of someone who works hard, gives back when they can, teaches others how and why to do the same, and uses the assistance to make a better life for themselves, their families and even their community. Not everyone gets to point B from point A, and does it in the same way. That doesn't mean it's wrong. And it doesn't mean it's right, either. For goodness sake, have some compassion. Someday, it might just be you who needs a hand for a minute.