Windows are open, pool's too cool to swim in, its getting to be that time of year. That time of year where we begin to get crazy busy and hectic headaches from the frenzy of activity. We also, if we're smart, pause to appreciate and reflect the many many beautiful things in our world.
This year, although it's certainly had its share of life-changing moments that I wish hadn't had to happen, has been one huge flashlight on the beauty in my world. I am thankful for each of these things:
A son who is responsible and smart and I am proud to say ready to tackle his future with an open mind and heart. He is such a cool person and I'm not just saying that because I'm his mother. He's a neato human being. Really neato.
A daughter who is equal parts one of my best friends and the biggest pain in the butt I've ever known. She makes me laugh, teaches me patience and reminds me on a daily basis all the lessons I have taught her (irony is a funny thing). She's beautiful from the inside out and I'm proud to know her.
My family, the big, loud, dysfunctional at times, crazy-looking-family-tree with multiple branches that have the same title. The inlaws, outlaws, distant and close. All of them, each and every one. Those who have passed away, for the times we had with them and those we still have the opportunity to make more memories with.
The opportunity to work in a place I still love to go every day. It has changed immensely since the day I started, but through all the changes, the difference being made in lives is inspiring now more than ever and I love being on the sidelines and having a front row seat for those transformations.
My wonderful, funny, quirky, crazy girlfriends. Each of you serves a very different role, and I appreciate and love you all. The vegans, the carnivores, the moms, the non-moms, my mom, the ones with their girl cards and lots of makeup and frills and those without, the hippies, the conservatives, the ones who text late at night and make me laugh til I cry and pee my pants, the ones I laugh with, the ones I cry with, the ones who call me every week or two asking to go to lunch (and that I happen to miss every single time :(), the ones who are actually related to me and the ones who call themselves family, the divorced ones, the divorcing ones, the never married, the getting married ones, the yoga friends, the lunch buddies, the wine friends, the ones I rarely see, the call me when there's a mum emergency friends, the ones who send inappropriate pictures, the ones who can hear my voice and know somethings wrong (or very very right), the new ones, the old ones, the ones I can't live without and the ones I definitely couldn't live with. In many years, we will look back on our having raised these fabulous families (or not) and all the laughs, fun, and not fun fondly. Here's to many many more chapters to our books both together and separately.
My guy friends, too. My friends, my friends boyfriends, husbands, brothers, etc. I appreciate and love you, too.
My little piece of the earth. I love my back yard and even though it is not big, or fancy or new, it is home and has love and is comfortable and makes me happy. It still needs a completed master bath, but is oh so close-closer than its been in a looooong time. I love that with a second job and a commitment by a great ex-husband a girl could ask for, I have been able to stay in the house and allow the kids to have a little less trauma in their world.
Speaking of him, I am thankful for Josh. Seriously. He and I had a lot of great years together and he continues to be not only a great dad, but still a great friend to me. I love knowing that I have him in my corner and that he truly has my back. Learning from our mistakes in our relationship has given me a great starting point for a new one. I know many couples who have been divorced much longer who haven't yet reached the same level of friendship and its in no small part because he's a really great dad. I'm thankful we got through the past year with only a few small roadbumps and are where we are today.
Family game night. Silly fun and the greatest stress relief ever. Gosh we're loud!
I have at least ten kids who call me mom. That makes me happy and I'm thankful for you all.
For being healthy knowing people who are having to actively work hard to be that way.
Having the opportunity to give back to my community and all the friends I've made doing it. I'm thankful for the feeling it gives me and for my friends who humor me. Your willingness to be "voluntold" is much much appreciated.
Experiences I've had meeting new people, dating, the fun I've had, the lessons I've learned and things I've figured out about myself and others. The lessons I have yet to learn but will. I'm thankful for it all.
Pedicures with friends, even though no one else in the nail place is thankful we are there. We are loud and have a great time just like in yoga, as if no one else is there. :)
I am told at least twice a week that my life makes someone else tired. I am thankful for it all, exactly the way it is. I am also thankful for you. Yes, you. Thanks for your role-whatever that looks like, whether big or small, continuing or past tense in my life.
Enjoy the fall, appreciate the holidays and don't fret too much on the things that don't matter and spend lots of time on all the many things that do.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
the man of my dreams
Since the day you found your way into my world, you swept me off my feet. You made me pay attention to the decisions I made, you saved me from myself. You have helped me grow up and become a better person. You helped me learn things I could not have learned in any other way or from any other person. You make me laugh, you make me nervous, you make me excited about the future, you make me smile, you show me things I didn't know before, you help me look further than I thought possible. You force me to look at things from another perspective and thus see things I would otherwise be unable to see.
And someday I know, you'll be the man of someone elses dreams, too. But until then, I will enjoy having you somewhat to myself. I love you, Hunt. I hope you always know whereever you go, however you go and whatever you do, I will be right here behind you.
Love,
Your biggest fan.
Today was a fantastic day (brought to you by the letter F and the number 17). Hunt and I ate lunch together at Spiral Diner and then donated a bit of our blood for someone who needs it worse than we do right now. After a nap (WOOHOO!), we went to the Fall Indi Fest. We shared an Italian yummy dinner, listened to some great music, some fabulous music and some other too. :) We saw a poignant short film that still disturbs me a bit, but I'm glad I saw it. We saw some great art and I fell right in love with the Lovesac they had in the theater. We just had a great day together. Hunter, today was the stuff a Mama's dreams are made of. Thank you for letting me pretend to be cool enough to hang with you. It means alot.
And someday I know, you'll be the man of someone elses dreams, too. But until then, I will enjoy having you somewhat to myself. I love you, Hunt. I hope you always know whereever you go, however you go and whatever you do, I will be right here behind you.
Love,
Your biggest fan.
Today was a fantastic day (brought to you by the letter F and the number 17). Hunt and I ate lunch together at Spiral Diner and then donated a bit of our blood for someone who needs it worse than we do right now. After a nap (WOOHOO!), we went to the Fall Indi Fest. We shared an Italian yummy dinner, listened to some great music, some fabulous music and some other too. :) We saw a poignant short film that still disturbs me a bit, but I'm glad I saw it. We saw some great art and I fell right in love with the Lovesac they had in the theater. We just had a great day together. Hunter, today was the stuff a Mama's dreams are made of. Thank you for letting me pretend to be cool enough to hang with you. It means alot.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
my bucket list
I've had kind of a rough day. Just as I was leaving to get on a plane for Pueblo, Colorado, Ivey called me to say she was sick. I hate leaving her home alone sick, but did it. I am missing my induction as the Kiwanis President for the coming year and I got bad news that a dear dear friend and volunteer of the YWCA, Willa Lister, passed away today. I guess I was feeling sentimental. Here's what a three hour layover in a small airport will do for ya.
1. Build a sandcastle that takes more than one day to build with my grandchildren.
2. Give a complete stranger more than $100 on Christmas Day with a note that they are important and for them to share the love whenever they can in whatever way they can.
3. Celebrate New Year’s Eve in the big apple.
4. Take the Route 66 road trip.
5. To spend a month touring a foreign country with someone I love with no schedules to keep, reservations or agendas.
6. Ride a hot air balloon over the Grand Canyon.
7. Watch the sunrise in as many countries as I can. And photograph them all.
8. Write a children’s book and have my kids and grandchildren, perhaps, illustrate it.
9. Hook and reel in a shark larger than me.
10. Have a dinner party at my house complete with placecards, linens, multiple courses (that may or may not be prepared by me ;)) for enough people (and diversity of guests) to make the conversation interesting but still intimate.
11. Run in the Boston marathon (finishing is a secondary item).
12. Earn a seven figure amount of money so I can have the joy of giving it away.
13. Learn to play the guitar.
14. Play guitar around a campfire under the stars.
15. Snorkel in Australia, Greece, New Zealand.
16. Help a mother deliver a baby.
17. Go to the airport and take the next flight leaving. No matter where it is going. Enjoy a few days and get to know that place intimately.
18. Discover a way to bottle lingering smells for a bad day/moment/week that will stand the test of time. (Think your mother/father/grandmother/childhood home/lover/newborn baby/etc.)
19. Be able to pinpoint the difference I made in anothers’ life.
20. Give my mother and father a gift of appreciation that makes each of them proud of their work and really get who they are in the world.
21. Be positive that every single person in my life knows exactly what they mean to me.
22. Obtain a gift (donation not for me personally) for one million dollars from an individual.
23. Ski a black slope and live to tell about it.
24. Get my CFRE (certified fundraising executive) credential
25. Leave a trail of people in my life who are better off for having known me, if even for a short time, comic relief or feeling better about themselves.
26. Gracefully turn down a job offer and marriage proposal (not combined offers )
27. Finish my psychology degree
28. Learn to speak Spanish
29. For my kids to grow up and know they are loved unconditionally, not just by me, but by many, many people and that they can do or be anything they want and be loved because/for/in spite of it. For them to know they have the responsibility to make the world a better place in every way they can and for them to be proud to do that.
30. Perform in a community theater.
31. Learn to ballroom dance and have a go-to partner with whom to practice often.
32. Play at least a game of softball with my grandmother, father, Hunter and Ivey. A tournament or season would be that much better.
33. Swim with the stingrays and/or sharks.
34. Have artsy nude photos done.
35. Have grandchildren that light up when they see me or hear my name.
36. Make a stained glass window.
37. Sew a piece of clothing and wear it proudly.
38. Celebrate a 20th, 30th or even 50th wedding anniversary.
39. Enjoy a romantic evening under the stars at the Eiffel Tower.
40. Spend a week on a boat with no crew.
41. Experience Mardi Gras from Bourbon Street.
42. Build a piece of furniture with my hands.
43. Experience Olympic games in another country.
44. Spend a week on a beach in another country with 10-20 of my closest, dearest friends (Sam, Carrie--you said you like shout outs --this is yours!), exploring the local pubs, people, and seeing the world together.
45. Attend a world series final.
46. Give my friends and loved-ones enough silly stories to pull from so that when I am gone, they won’t cry at a stuffy funeral, but rather will gather together, tell stories and laugh until they cry and relive the joy we shared together.
47. Have a bubble blowing contest with kids I don’t know.
48. Spend a week with a family in another country who speak a different language.
49. Learn sign language.
50. Live and volunteer in another country for a year.
51. Enjoy holidays and special occasions as the kids grow and are grown with both of their parents (and presumably our new spouses).
52. Welcome home troops at the airport with gifts and let them know they are appreciated.
There are a few boring bucket list items I have left off because they are somewhat generic: I want to go so many places, Fiji, Greece, Italy, Jerusalem, Japan, Australia, the list goes on and on and on. Bungee jumping, sky diving, scuba diving, climb a mountain, leave a $200 tip on a $20 lunch to a pregnant waitress to name a few. If I think of more, I will add to. Please share yours with me!
1. Build a sandcastle that takes more than one day to build with my grandchildren.
2. Give a complete stranger more than $100 on Christmas Day with a note that they are important and for them to share the love whenever they can in whatever way they can.
3. Celebrate New Year’s Eve in the big apple.
4. Take the Route 66 road trip.
5. To spend a month touring a foreign country with someone I love with no schedules to keep, reservations or agendas.
6. Ride a hot air balloon over the Grand Canyon.
7. Watch the sunrise in as many countries as I can. And photograph them all.
8. Write a children’s book and have my kids and grandchildren, perhaps, illustrate it.
9. Hook and reel in a shark larger than me.
10. Have a dinner party at my house complete with placecards, linens, multiple courses (that may or may not be prepared by me ;)) for enough people (and diversity of guests) to make the conversation interesting but still intimate.
11. Run in the Boston marathon (finishing is a secondary item).
12. Earn a seven figure amount of money so I can have the joy of giving it away.
13. Learn to play the guitar.
14. Play guitar around a campfire under the stars.
15. Snorkel in Australia, Greece, New Zealand.
16. Help a mother deliver a baby.
17. Go to the airport and take the next flight leaving. No matter where it is going. Enjoy a few days and get to know that place intimately.
18. Discover a way to bottle lingering smells for a bad day/moment/week that will stand the test of time. (Think your mother/father/grandmother/childhood home/lover/newborn baby/etc.)
19. Be able to pinpoint the difference I made in anothers’ life.
20. Give my mother and father a gift of appreciation that makes each of them proud of their work and really get who they are in the world.
21. Be positive that every single person in my life knows exactly what they mean to me.
22. Obtain a gift (donation not for me personally) for one million dollars from an individual.
23. Ski a black slope and live to tell about it.
24. Get my CFRE (certified fundraising executive) credential
25. Leave a trail of people in my life who are better off for having known me, if even for a short time, comic relief or feeling better about themselves.
26. Gracefully turn down a job offer and marriage proposal (not combined offers )
27. Finish my psychology degree
28. Learn to speak Spanish
29. For my kids to grow up and know they are loved unconditionally, not just by me, but by many, many people and that they can do or be anything they want and be loved because/for/in spite of it. For them to know they have the responsibility to make the world a better place in every way they can and for them to be proud to do that.
30. Perform in a community theater.
31. Learn to ballroom dance and have a go-to partner with whom to practice often.
32. Play at least a game of softball with my grandmother, father, Hunter and Ivey. A tournament or season would be that much better.
33. Swim with the stingrays and/or sharks.
34. Have artsy nude photos done.
35. Have grandchildren that light up when they see me or hear my name.
36. Make a stained glass window.
37. Sew a piece of clothing and wear it proudly.
38. Celebrate a 20th, 30th or even 50th wedding anniversary.
39. Enjoy a romantic evening under the stars at the Eiffel Tower.
40. Spend a week on a boat with no crew.
41. Experience Mardi Gras from Bourbon Street.
42. Build a piece of furniture with my hands.
43. Experience Olympic games in another country.
44. Spend a week on a beach in another country with 10-20 of my closest, dearest friends (Sam, Carrie--you said you like shout outs --this is yours!), exploring the local pubs, people, and seeing the world together.
45. Attend a world series final.
46. Give my friends and loved-ones enough silly stories to pull from so that when I am gone, they won’t cry at a stuffy funeral, but rather will gather together, tell stories and laugh until they cry and relive the joy we shared together.
47. Have a bubble blowing contest with kids I don’t know.
48. Spend a week with a family in another country who speak a different language.
49. Learn sign language.
50. Live and volunteer in another country for a year.
51. Enjoy holidays and special occasions as the kids grow and are grown with both of their parents (and presumably our new spouses).
52. Welcome home troops at the airport with gifts and let them know they are appreciated.
There are a few boring bucket list items I have left off because they are somewhat generic: I want to go so many places, Fiji, Greece, Italy, Jerusalem, Japan, Australia, the list goes on and on and on. Bungee jumping, sky diving, scuba diving, climb a mountain, leave a $200 tip on a $20 lunch to a pregnant waitress to name a few. If I think of more, I will add to. Please share yours with me!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
All the Single Ladies...
Today was the big day I've been waiting for. On one hand it was much more stressful than I imagined, but then again it was without any emotion at all, which was odd.
I couldn't sleep at all last night because I was really anxious. Not about the divorce itself, but the paperwork and whether or not I had filled everything out correctly. I was worried the judge would tell me I had done something wrong or needed additional documents and I would have to come back another day. Our court appt was at 8:00 am, so we had to leave ridiculously early. On the way there I got really nervous, but thankfully H was right before me, so I got to see it all in action. (she did terrific, by the way!) I was super scared about talking to the judge for some stupid reason -- just being in the courtroom was super intimidating. When the judge got to me, I had screwed up something with our paperwork and the bailiff had to bring it back to me (DOH!?!?!). I fixed it, and gave it back to the bailiff, the judge took another case and then got to my paperwork again. He got kinda irritated this time about not filling out my paperwork for me and the bailiff brought them back to me again. Heather helped me fix it again, and finally the bailiff came to me smiling and said I had finally gotten it right and I didn't even have to go talk to the judge at all. (I got to go through the express lane.)Our divorce is now final.
We picked up the police report from last week (she DOES have insurance!!) had some breakfast and margaritas and decompressed. I was able to share the day in every way with my hand-picked bff, and I couldn't ask for more.
We then spent the afternoon with our favorite hairdresser (Mimi, H and I) getting all prettied up. With a few exceptions, I couldn't have asked for a better day. Thank you for your support and love today, believe me, we both felt it. Now, about tomorrow... :)
I couldn't sleep at all last night because I was really anxious. Not about the divorce itself, but the paperwork and whether or not I had filled everything out correctly. I was worried the judge would tell me I had done something wrong or needed additional documents and I would have to come back another day. Our court appt was at 8:00 am, so we had to leave ridiculously early. On the way there I got really nervous, but thankfully H was right before me, so I got to see it all in action. (she did terrific, by the way!) I was super scared about talking to the judge for some stupid reason -- just being in the courtroom was super intimidating. When the judge got to me, I had screwed up something with our paperwork and the bailiff had to bring it back to me (DOH!?!?!). I fixed it, and gave it back to the bailiff, the judge took another case and then got to my paperwork again. He got kinda irritated this time about not filling out my paperwork for me and the bailiff brought them back to me again. Heather helped me fix it again, and finally the bailiff came to me smiling and said I had finally gotten it right and I didn't even have to go talk to the judge at all. (I got to go through the express lane.)Our divorce is now final.
We picked up the police report from last week (she DOES have insurance!!) had some breakfast and margaritas and decompressed. I was able to share the day in every way with my hand-picked bff, and I couldn't ask for more.
We then spent the afternoon with our favorite hairdresser (Mimi, H and I) getting all prettied up. With a few exceptions, I couldn't have asked for a better day. Thank you for your support and love today, believe me, we both felt it. Now, about tomorrow... :)
Monday, September 6, 2010
do it for yourself
There is no simple secret for happiness. It can be attained by many avenues and can be avoided accidentally by just as many.
The true test of happiness is looking in the mirror and liking who you are. Not necessarily loving your nose, or chin, either of them, or even loving those thighs or butt, but loving who you see. Do you do the right thing when no ones looking and when no one will find out? Do you love someone else more than you love yourself? Do you ever, even occasionally, make decisions on others' needs rather than what you might get in return? How much of yourself do you give to the universe?
Love completely. Give yourself fully, without abandon. If you are hurt, it is not your fault nor will it be you who loses. We get what we give in this life. You may not see that today or even tomorrow, but it will come back to you. Always act with compassion, even with someone who doesn't seem to deserve it. Trust me, its there. They do.
This goes the same for yourself. Allow yourself to make mistakes, but learn from them so you can avoid repeating them. Forgive yourself and move on, knowing you aren't your mistakes, but rather are a genuinely gentle, sweet soul who happened to screw up. Not the end of the world. Don't forget that. Take the time to learn the lesson. Note it deeply and note what it caused to others and allow yourself permission to let it go. Take a deep breath and shut your eyes and smile knowing you have this and not for mine or anyone else's benefit, but for your own. Love who you are. Be who you want. Its never too late.
The true test of happiness is looking in the mirror and liking who you are. Not necessarily loving your nose, or chin, either of them, or even loving those thighs or butt, but loving who you see. Do you do the right thing when no ones looking and when no one will find out? Do you love someone else more than you love yourself? Do you ever, even occasionally, make decisions on others' needs rather than what you might get in return? How much of yourself do you give to the universe?
Love completely. Give yourself fully, without abandon. If you are hurt, it is not your fault nor will it be you who loses. We get what we give in this life. You may not see that today or even tomorrow, but it will come back to you. Always act with compassion, even with someone who doesn't seem to deserve it. Trust me, its there. They do.
This goes the same for yourself. Allow yourself to make mistakes, but learn from them so you can avoid repeating them. Forgive yourself and move on, knowing you aren't your mistakes, but rather are a genuinely gentle, sweet soul who happened to screw up. Not the end of the world. Don't forget that. Take the time to learn the lesson. Note it deeply and note what it caused to others and allow yourself permission to let it go. Take a deep breath and shut your eyes and smile knowing you have this and not for mine or anyone else's benefit, but for your own. Love who you are. Be who you want. Its never too late.
Monday, August 30, 2010
lucky to be right here
Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if you had been born to different parents or in a different country or maybe just a different time-even just a year or two? Or if you had made one different decision? If you'd gone to a different party and met a different person who you'd later marry, how would things right now look different? Would you have the same beliefs? Would you have the same talents? Would you be good at something you've never even tried in your life? Who would you love? What would your kids be like? What would your outlook be?
Obviously most of that is purely circumstance, but personal choice also has just as big a role to play in your future now. I personally believe that for all the good and many many bad decisions we make, we learn and grow and become wiser about the world, ourselves and others hopefully. I think the more wrong decisions you make today, you have the unique opportunity to know more than the person who made "good" decisions tomorrow--if you pay attention. That's the real key- you have to allow yourself to make the mistakes, notice them, take responsibility for them (at least mentally) and figure out how you could have done things differently, with more compassion, love, respect and obviously with different results.
If you could live your life backward from the funeral service on, would that make a difference? Wouldn't you want to either live up to those expectations of yourself or prove (to them and you) that you were more? Would you love more and forgive faster and care less about who thinks what and more about the footprint you're leaving behind, not what cute shoes its in? Its not too late yet. Appreciate those in your life who add meaning and depth and beauty and spend more time with them. Tell them. Spend time with yourself and learn who you are for others. Be that for yourself too. Give more than you think you have. You won't be sorry.
Obviously most of that is purely circumstance, but personal choice also has just as big a role to play in your future now. I personally believe that for all the good and many many bad decisions we make, we learn and grow and become wiser about the world, ourselves and others hopefully. I think the more wrong decisions you make today, you have the unique opportunity to know more than the person who made "good" decisions tomorrow--if you pay attention. That's the real key- you have to allow yourself to make the mistakes, notice them, take responsibility for them (at least mentally) and figure out how you could have done things differently, with more compassion, love, respect and obviously with different results.
If you could live your life backward from the funeral service on, would that make a difference? Wouldn't you want to either live up to those expectations of yourself or prove (to them and you) that you were more? Would you love more and forgive faster and care less about who thinks what and more about the footprint you're leaving behind, not what cute shoes its in? Its not too late yet. Appreciate those in your life who add meaning and depth and beauty and spend more time with them. Tell them. Spend time with yourself and learn who you are for others. Be that for yourself too. Give more than you think you have. You won't be sorry.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
thankful
Game night with family and great friends on Friday night. Saturday I got to have breakfast with mimi, see rylee's first ever soccer game (Too cute!!) before going off to work. The kids went with their cousin and his girlfriend (tommy and kessa) to see the toadies-dia de los toadies. Since I had a wedding I couldn't go. They had a great time, and came home tired, dirty, a little cranky, and sore from dancing so it sounds like a good time was had to me. I love that they were able to go and that they are such great kids I had no worries-mostly. :)
After our heart-attack-inducing breakfast (well, lunch maybe-at noon) at chef pointe cafe (if you haven't tried it, you're missing out, fo sho! Chicken and waffles and the most yummy open faced sandwich that sort of reminded me of a monte cristo but with a fab rich cream sauce all over it), spent the afternoon at a fundraiser at a hole-in-the-wall smoky bar with great music from several local singer/songwriters (and one or two not great, but interesting nonetheless), great conversation and frosty beverages. I love living in a place where at 2:00 on a Sunday this can readily be found--that and someone to enjoy it with.
The cherry on this weekend I am grateful for was dinner with those brumley kids (yep, I cooked), and one bff with a little true blood.
We get to start another week tomorrow. Smile even when you don't mean it. There are many many reasons to do so every day. Find one and appreciate it. Do it for yourself and your happiness, but do it especially for those who are struggling. You never know when your smile may be the only bright spot in someone's day.
After our heart-attack-inducing breakfast (well, lunch maybe-at noon) at chef pointe cafe (if you haven't tried it, you're missing out, fo sho! Chicken and waffles and the most yummy open faced sandwich that sort of reminded me of a monte cristo but with a fab rich cream sauce all over it), spent the afternoon at a fundraiser at a hole-in-the-wall smoky bar with great music from several local singer/songwriters (and one or two not great, but interesting nonetheless), great conversation and frosty beverages. I love living in a place where at 2:00 on a Sunday this can readily be found--that and someone to enjoy it with.
The cherry on this weekend I am grateful for was dinner with those brumley kids (yep, I cooked), and one bff with a little true blood.
We get to start another week tomorrow. Smile even when you don't mean it. There are many many reasons to do so every day. Find one and appreciate it. Do it for yourself and your happiness, but do it especially for those who are struggling. You never know when your smile may be the only bright spot in someone's day.
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