every kid should have a dog.

I will give you a little warning - what you are about to read might make you gag. I might get a little mushy over a four-legged friend. While I am not apologizing for this, I do recognize some people are not interested. Be my guest, but don't say you weren't warned.

We adopted Ginger the big redboned coonhound after Hunter read Where the Red Fern Grows in 4th or 5th grade. He found her on petfinder.org at a pound in Euless. He bugged me about it for about two weeks, and I was sure she wouldn't still be available when we got there. Well, she was. She was brilliant in executing what appeared to be a well-rehearsed take-me-home-with-you-routine complete with the happiest of tail-wagging and her signature howl that we grew to love so very much. Ivey's friend, Susan, was with us when we went to pick her up. Ginger climbed in the back seat and layed across all three kids the entire way home. It was so obvious she was so appreciative to us for having her.  She actually showed her thankfulness to us, in ways I can't explain, but we all knew it. For several months after we got her, I was scared to take her out because I was sure that whoever she had belonged to would see her and want her back. I am still sure that it was an accident that she had ended up at the pound. She was so perfect for our family. She was the kind of dog for us that will forever be the dog we use as a gauge for coolness of other dogs.

She was not, however, without quirks. She ate poop and not only did she eat poop, she preferred her snacks warm. This was always particularly disgusting while dining al fresca when she'd decide it was her dinner time as well. She also, for reasons still unclear to me at this point, had weird ways to attempt to show her dominance. When Ivey began to go through puberty, she pooped in Ivey's shoe. While incredibly impressed with her accuracy, this still puzzled us.

She got pneumonia at an old age, and fought back and pulled through it. She had cancer removed (and some cancer that wasn't removed) several years ago. Ginger saw Hunter and Ivey through being 8 and 10 years old to almost 16 and 18. Through puberty, boyfriends, girlfriends, elementary school, middle school, and now high school, little league football games, softball games, a move, lots of family vacations and a divorce.  She stole a very nice thick steak from a neighbor's grill once (came walking back into the backyard where Brumley and I were doing yardwork carrying this humongous steak in her mouth proud as could be), caused the great Llama Drama of 2008 along with her BFF Paris and spent a night with the NRH police in lockdown.

As she's gotten older and more weary, she's lost her ability to hear (anything at all and not just selectively being stubborn), was much like a cranky old woman. She did what she wanted and when she wanted. And we loved her for it. She has been a member of our family and can be found in our family photos. We put her to sleep last night, while I held her paw, and kissed her nose. It was peaceful and I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to share our house with her and to have been able to be there with her when she left this earth.

Here's a little story...

If I hear one more person say something along the lines of -- welfare doesn't work, it's causing the downfall of our country-- I think I will scream. It's not that I think the system we currently have is 100% perfect. I'm not stupid. I get the flaws and I can't say what the answer to fixing them is. But there are also lots of positive things about the bum, bum, bum "system". Indulge me. Let me explain...

What you are about to read is not something I'm proud of and please know it is hard for me to share. For the past few weeks, it has been bubbling that I need to. That I have an obligation to the kids who are in the same place as we were to share this with others. Even people I'd rather not have this very personal information, the ammunition to think differently of us, to judge. I got pregnant at the ripe old age of sixteen (yes, one six). My boyfriend and I had been together since we were in middle school and although we had talked about having children (far, far in the future, after high school, after college and after, well, you get the point), we absolutely weren't prepared in any way for what we were about to do. That didn't change the fact that we loved each other, the baby we were about to bring into the world and were committed to giving our everything to.  We were given a place to live by Josh's parents, while mine helped us with a car, and every day things we simply couldn't afford. As part of the teen parenting program at Midlothian High School, we were signed up for WIC, and any other assistance programs we qualified for. I was still on my mother's health insurance so we didn't need assistance with that (at that time). Now, what I will tell you is the face of these two children, the boy, worked at a grocery store and while immature and silly, was brilliant, committed to working hard and providing for his family-and absolutely hated school. She worked at Walmart up until she couldn't stand up anymore for that long at a time (about a week or so before delivery), she got good grades and was stubborn about finishing her education. Both were involved in school activities, athletics, advanced classes, both had lots of friends.

I do have to point out that there was a huge part of this that was positive and was solely because our parents (all of them), some of our teachers, and some other very special people along the way took pity, or saw something that perhaps neither of us did at the time and lent a hand, or two, often times I imagine, without us knowing it. Government grants, assistance and lots of support from those around us were absolutely critical, even as committed and focused on education as I was, for it to have been possible. One small misstep could have changed the course we were on, and should have many, many times. The difference between us and the statistics (lots of other people in the same situation) is that we had a strong strong safety net who didn't allow us to fail.  I think we do deserve some credit for working hard but not nearly as much as the strength of that safety net.  Off and on throughout the next few years (and by few I mean at least 10 or so), we had help from various sources, mostly parents that will never be able to be repaid financially for that support. I believe we four have learned strength and that we must give back, so we take that seriously. Josh and I did get married, had Ivey two and a half years later, at the much-older and wiser ages of 19. We were good parents, had a beautiful family but made lots of mistakes along the way, perhaps more than our fair share because we were so young and ignorant, but somehow these two kids have turned out amazing. Maybe because of the missteps they survived. The old saying "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" -- Hunter and Ivey have earned their STRONG. Even still, I don't think anyone who knows or knew us would look at us, our family, or even the outcome and where we stand today--divorce and all-- and describe us as failures, lazy, a drain on the system, and all the other awful things I hear about "those people".  Throughout our lives, we have at one point been on Medicaid, food stamps, WIC, had housing help, daycare assistance and at other times qualified for those things but for one reason or another (too proud?) didn't accept them.

So-- the next time you think of "those people" who you don't want to pay for, think of someone different. Think of someone who works hard, gives back when they can, teaches others how and why to do the same, and uses the assistance to make a better life for themselves, their families and even their community. Not everyone gets to point B from point A, and does it in the same way. That doesn't mean it's wrong. And it doesn't mean it's right, either. For goodness sake, have some compassion. Someday, it might just be you who needs a hand for a minute.

The End of that.

It's been a while since I have blogged about being single, but I have had a few people in the past couple of weeks inquire, like really intrusively inquire, almost grilling about how we are all doing. Part of it is they want to know what's going on. For any of you who might be the same -- here's the checklist: I've dated but am not currently and don't see that changing any time soon (because that's not what I am up to right now). Josh is dating and seems happy, although he shares zero details with me. Hunter is preparing to become a high school graduate and is not dating anyone and Ivey is becoming quite her own person and is not dating either. It's exciting and scary and I know everyone gets sick of me saying how proud I am of both of them, but they really are two of the most spectacular human beings I know and I am honestly quite honored to be able to say I am related to them. I absolutely love it when people mistakenly (and I usually allow them!) assume that it must have something to do with spectacular parenting.

While I can't say I am happy Josh and I got a divorce or that my life at this point is better than it was when our marriage was good, I am not sorry it happened. My kids handled everything spectacular. I hate that they have had to learn and experience the lessons they have undoubtedly learned because of their "broken home" (gag, what a truly awful term). At the same time, I think, in usual Hunter and Ivey fashion, they have taken the past year's worth of experiences and learned from them and tucked things under their own hats-filed away for future reference so they perhaps won't have to make the same mistakes as their parentals have. Maybe that's my own wishful thinking so they don't have to experience the muck, but I do also hope they experienced it at the same time in a sick, guilty way. As much as we tried to shelter them and keep things friendly, and I think we really did, I also believe with all great adversity comes the only real growth. I hope they snatched that part of it up and will run with it when the time comes and use it to their benefit.

Now, Josh and I are still friends. During the holidays, we spent time together and a part. It wasn't great, it wasn't awful. It just was. There was no drama, no particular stress. There was no swallowed anger, it was just fine. We both separately enjoyed the kids in the way only we do, and spent time with those we love in our ways. We spent time with our families and ate, and drank and played games and laughed and really experienced the love that surrounded us. I didn't feel like anything was missing and I felt complete. The one thing I did realize is the lack of exhaustion from fighting. Not fighting with each other, but with the inevitable that I was working hard to keep together something that should have been let go of a very long time ago. I never realized how exhausting it was until it wasn't anymore.

So, there you have it. Things are peaceful. Our house is harmonious and although that definitely does not mean quiet, is comfortable and easy. And for the next very short few months that I can be sure both of my kids are still under my roof, I am going to continue enjoying the heck out of them, having dance parties in the living room during the middle of dinner, appreciating inappropriate behavior that I should be disgusted with and well, just being their proud proud mom. Oh, and enjoying that bathroom that is c-l-o-s-e to being done! Finally.

out with the old...

Well I am thoroughly disappointed in myself. I guess I had my head so far up my butt last year at New Year's that I never put my resolutions down in print. That sucks, for a couple of reasons. But rather than kick my own butt, I will make sure to do better this year :).

We had a lovely Christmas, was able to see lots of family but missed seeing some too and hope to remedy that really really really soon!! (I'm subtle, huh?) Santa brought Hunter and Ivey 100 $1 bills. The condition was that they had to distribute it Christmas morning. So we set out to figure out how to pay it forward. First we decided to pretend our car was broken down and planned to give it to whoever stopped. Well, either my ADD, impatience or the fact that everyone assumes everyone has cell phones made that a bad plan. So we found a homeless man and Hunter and Ivey gave it to him and we went home. I think it was a fun tradition that we will do from now on, and hopefully they will have time between now and next Santa's visit to think of some really creative way to give it away that will be really meaningful.

Things are good. 2010 was full of a whole lot of firsts and new beginnings for all of us. Some ugly stuff but a whole whole lotta growing and retooling and getting to know the new us a little better. I am becoming more and more aware of how rich I am with friends-new and old, the wonderful man who I have the priviledge of calling my son, and the beautiful girl I get to call my daughter, my job, my coworkers and professional friends. I am also becoming more and more aware of the clock that is ticking towards Hunter's leaving for college. It makes me have a knot in my stomach and feel like a noose is being slipped around my neck. But I have to add that in addition to the panicky ooky feeling, I also couldn't be more proud of the man he has become. He is not only brilliant, but one of the funniest people I know, deep, kind and really thoughtful in a very forgetful way. He is responsible in a way that amazes me (don't look at his bedroom for evidence of this!). He has money stashed in bank accounts all over town and manages his money in a way that I couldn't do until I was, well, honestly...at least 35 (I'll have to get back with you on the age I settle on). All in all, though, I feel really good about where I am, and where we're headed. I've made some new friends. I have fallen out of like with others. One thing is for certain - each of them is important and has been an important part of every step of the way - every one. This year, I plan to:

• Run more (that wouldn't be hard--at all--since I have run literally nada lately, but I mean regularly, like every day again)
• Attend a few weddings (not the ones I'm working...but specific ones. AHEM!)
• Take dance lessons
• See more live music.
• Finish more books.
• Do something every day that challenges me.
• Enjoy the heck out of my limited time with my dude and the girl.
• Learn to manage my money as wisely as my dude does his.
• Paint more.
• Potty mouth less.
• Become cultured, mature enough to not giggle at accidental references to body parts in inappropriate settings. Learn to not cry when I try to I am trying to control a laugh because really-- I'm an adult, I should have more control over myself?!
• Take more pictures.
• Finish my bathroom (I am giddy as I write that because it REALLY REALLY is getting close!?!?!) I promise more pictures as more is complete.
• Leave divorces, cancer and all the ugly in 2010 and enjoy the heck out of a healthy, happy safe 2011.

Here's to you and your's and to many, many more together.

Best,
e

Smiling's my favorite!

So we took our holiday pictures during the Thanksgiving break, and even though I thought it would make me sad, it wasn't bad. The truth is, the kids and I have so much fun together that any regret was overshadowed by a good time.

I think I just finished one of the best weekends in a long time. I got to catch up with friends on Friday night, had coffee/tea and seriously people watched with my Carrie Saturday morning, spent time with Ivey and her friends Saturday and then had a date night with my dude. We had dinner and then went to Pete's Piano Bar. It was great (yes, I had my "baby" in a bar...let the judgement begin), we both had fun, and it was fabulous to get to spend the evening with him. Today, I got to spend the day with Ivey, and we pulled Christmas decorations out of the attic, put them out (no tree this year because we decided we didn't want one). Pulling the stockings out was the first sad time I've had in a while. More for the fact that I didn't exactly know what to do. We have four matching stockings. I picked three of them out, and put one back in the box and put it back up in the attic. The split second moment of uncomfortableness ended with me and Ivey laughing about something silly, they are hung, and all's good in the world again.

We made a wreath, I made my cinnamon smelly stuff that made the house smell like Christmas, baked some candy (wrong, Indi, dirty and wrong of you to introduce me to that and then let me know how easy it is to make), baked banana nut bread, and chicken enchiladas.

Now, I think I'll go watch Elf.

Really new things!

Wow! There's exciting things happening! I can't tell everything right now, but it just feels right. You know how when you think of something and whether it might be the right thing and you can't think of one reason you shouldn't?

It means lots less stress for me, and for others, and that makes me even happier. It means for more family game nights and my liver may or may not forgive me. Just saying...

I had a great weekend. I got to witness the wedding of an adorable couple who, even though I see weddings often now and am sometimes critical, I was actually proud to see get married. They are sweet and so in love, it was such a pleasure getting to be a part of it all. I got to spend the evening with two cousins and the boyfriend of one, whom I adore. Two other friends worked the event and it was a pleasure getting to be a part of their fine work. Another friend was my date and it was a pleasure getting to be next to my bff and experience it all (all of it) together.

Speaking of the bff, Heather and Feesh have put a contract on a house and I am so excited I could pee my pants. Not only is it a spectacular house (it is spectacular!!!!), it's close, it means they will be together and I love that more than anything. I love him more and more for her every time I am with him. They are so crazy in love and it is so beautiful to see someone you love so very much be loved so genuinely. Mimi and I got to have dinner with his parentals, and it was like we were meeting our new in-laws. It was great, and I look forward to many, many more of those dinners.

I spent the day today relaxing (for those of you doubting, I really did!), and then made new plans that impact a lot. I am turning my garage into a studio apartment for a friend. It will help me with expenses, and help them with rent, and will be great for everyone. I am super excited. It relieves a lot of pressure and stress for finances from me and also will have another set of eyes and ears for the kids, and hands to help around here, and "friend X" is good in the yard!!!!

I am on vacation allllllllll week this week! Going to Thanksgiving with family for the first time in 6 or 7 years. More soon. Promise.

Overall, though, things are looking up. Have a happy thanksgiving and tell those you love why you love them. Don't miss the opportunity, you may not get another.

memoirs of a dating girl

I have been asked a bunch of times to write down the funny dating stories I've experienced. I promise I will, but I just don't think I can publish them, at least right now. So many of the subjects read my blogs or may stumble upon them.

Let's just suffice to say that they are funny, and people are weird, beyond weird actually. And I know I don't even have the best stories that I've heard. So tell me your's!

It's safe, we're all friends here, right?